Thursday, April 28, 2016

Rigmarole

Rigmarole…

Her cell phone showed wee hours 4:45 a.m. She stood inside the elevator with wooden legs. Her spirit crushed and unwilling to go further. The elevator buzzed and moved to fourth floor and vibrated to a noisy stop. She did not want to open the door and move into that abode which she had lovingly bought and paid installments to call it her own. Thick tension and disappointment awaited her. Helplessness and despair!!! Arguments and screaming matches!

However much she tried she just could not control the spiraling of verbal torrent of accuses and resentments. She saw “No way out of the predicament” 
She told herself it happens in many a marriage and according to her mother she must work it out. But each day told her... it will not. She cannot forgive …she wanted to but cannot …just cannot. It was a No win situation for her. Her Mom would be mortified if she ever were to think of ending her wedlock. For lock it was…a lock whose key was totally missing!!!
She would have to face “I told you so” before and truth be told she was so tired and weary she did not even want to face herself in the Mirror of the elevator. There was only one option to end the pain and predicament … escape the shame and humiliation of knowing her husband bonding with another one. It destroyed her sense of feminine respect and created a purported image of a woman less worthy.a woman who could not keep her home together…
She had tried…to be modern and broad minded and overlook the late night escapades of her husband and spend many a lonely nights in her three bedroom flat in this posh locality. She had also thriftily managed to finance the Loans single-handedly and even manage the home chores all by herself. For an outsider she had done well.
Only she knew how lonely and battered she was. No she did not face any physical abuse but verbal abuse and slinging matches were becoming daily routine. She had put up with all the fancies her husband created and financed some foolhardy investments. She was most definitely not willing to contribute to keeping another woman happy. She wanted to think no more…nothing mattered more...nothing can change her life more…she had nowhere to go…no one who cared for her…
Her old parents would be too distraught to hear her woes and siblings were too enmeshed in their own affairs to even recognize her pain.

On an impulse, she pressed the button to the last floor, a resolve forming in her dead eyes. She came out of the elevator and stared at the staircase that lead down and then upward glance to the path that led to the terrace. To her surprise she found the terrace door open. She moved onto the openness. The Air was cool but without movement. A resentful smile escaped her being. Everything had relegated itself to being without movement in her life including the Air around her.
She moved to the wall and looked down. The ten-storeyed building stood regally as one of the best housing facility this area offered. Luckily for her the terrace was open, else mostly the doors were securely locked and one needed special permission to access it in any time of the day.
It was as if Even Nature was conspiring to bring about conditions favorable for her exit and let her go…all conditions met for Finale Act of her…unlocked terrace...no one around …
One jump…would end it all…she just had to sit up on the para-pet and carefully just jump…or shall she jump forcefully?? She Gingerly gauged the height and thought of leveraging herself on the parapet...few awkward moments...she realised she did not know exactly how to do it right ! 
“Ha Ha …why am I supposed to carefully jump? What does it matter how I jump? Who will give me marks for jumping right??”

She whirled with a start…She was abruptly pulled out of her reverie by this disdainful,reproaching teenage voice…half boy…half male…looking down the same way as hers and planning the same thing as she was…only a little more Dramatically vocal as if giving Subtitles to His Ongoing Act!
She recoiled…horrified at the implication of what this young boy was about to do…she had to act fast...or….
The guy she recognised was Ashav  from her society…must be in ninth or tenth…
Instinctively, she sternly send out a warning “What are you doing here Ashav? Do your parents know??”
Ashav seemed to stiffen and turned around guiltily, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
His head bowed low and his fingers were trembling…

She took a step forward and held him by his shoulders. His agonised frame shrinking at the touch expecting reprimands and the pain of being caught…
“Sit down…Here take a sip of water”
She always had a small bottle in her handbag and she was glad it came handy today.
“Thank you Sugandha aunty”
He spoke very soflty and took a sip …breathing shallow and sort of collecting himself.
For a while no one spoke…an endless silence where both were taking in their internal war and the discovery of what just transpired. She realised that if she had not intervened quickly the little one would have been a pool of blood and mass of broken bones. It filled her with indignation ,horror and revulsion...
Her chiding came out as scathing “Do you know you would be a mass of broken bones down there?”
He looked further down…
She continued “Now you are ashamed…look at me…do you even realise that your parents would have been in such dire circumstances? The whole society would blame them for your Act…for life they would blame themselves???"
“No one cares for me Sughanda Aunt …all they care is my marks…whether I pass or not…whether I do well in studies or not…No one cares…” His voice broke into a sob...almost choked on a sob…he was struggling not to cry or howl…male dignity at work…
“And How did you jump to that conclusion?? Have you taken a Survey of their feelings?” Her eyes flashed a daring warning to defy.
Truth be told her words surprised her…she, herself, was here on that premise...
“No one cares and they will not be in my favour once they know my marks!!!"
“So you have got less marks? In which standard are you in?"
“9th…I was supposed to go in tenth” His eyes brimmed with fresh tears.
“Ah” She took in sympathetically “ So you failed in Ninth grade exams?? So??”
“My Mom Dad will be Livid…ashamed of me…all my friends will make fun of me…my teachers will insult …not openly but…” His voice choked thick with emotions

She understood the anguish but still reeled at the young life that could have been sacrificed for something that seemed gigantic to him…but so miniscule in the long run…
She glanced at the forlorn figure and contradicting him at this juncture seemed futile…
“Yes it is a difficult situation…I agree but..."
“You will never understand aunty you I have heard have always been a topper …you earn so well…you have your own house…you are a boss in your office…what you will know about children…you do not have any…!!!"
That stung…that was rude and cheeky…he knew quite some things about her…but she fumed at the barb...the last one...if only he knew her situation…
"You young teenagers …you are the rudest lot of this time…you  do not think beyond yourself…so you did not study well…you did not get good marks…so what try again…for a while everyone will be unhappy… maybe they will scorn you for a while, ridicule you, but the storm will pass…”
“Sorry aunt but you are a woman...what you know of my problems…what will you do in my situation???”
She sucked in a breath…technically she was there for the same purpose as him…but she cannot leave this young one here…alone to jump…or preach her about problems…or let him know what she was about to do…
She softened a bit…offered a slight smile…sat closer to him…
“ As you  said I was indeed a topper so true I would not know of your situation but what I do know is that ”There is always an option to live” Her own words sounded phony to her but she plodded along for this little soul that was sitting broken and lost.
“What can I do??? My folks will not love me anymore once the truth is out…they have my younger brother who will fulfil all their wishes…”
His voice cracked a bit and jarbled a bit.
She sighed…sibling angst…so rampant and endorsed by influences all around. She remembered all too well her phase of feeling peeved by the attention showered on her siblings…only to know too well now that all felt…shortchanged whatever the treatment meted out…
“Even I had siblings and even I felt my folks as you put it loved them more and not me…but that is so not true…when I look back…you are equally special Kid to them…”
“You do not know my folks…they will not care…”

A surge of indignation rose at the adamant immature rejoinder. Anger flared a little. 
She bristled and said “So what do you think…your parents will see your dead body sigh and instruct the watchman to dispose it in the dustbin and go back to their day??? Is that what you think will happen??”
He winced but stubbornness began to show in his taut frame.
She continued “ You young people think everything is an adventure…you give up so fast on everything…so something did not work out and went wrong…there are constructive action steps one can take”
“You are a woman…you will not understand…” He dismissed and slightly turned away as if to say go away…
She was not about to give in and her anger could not be reined in now…it was full throttle in steam…
“You think women do not have problems???”
“Yes they might…and they would be the first one to jump like I would…"
"Wait a minute what do you mean??? " was the child reading her mind???
“See Aunt I may sound rude but if you had a husband who cheated on you and if you had a bad marriage…well you too would do the same thing…you would not take the constructive step that you suggest…"

Her eyes narrowed for a second…how did he know…? She hardly interacted with anyone in the building as her night shift prevented social life of any sort.
“How do you know??” she demanded slowly…softly…
“Gossip travels …when people fight…aunties love to hear and love to tell…” 
He smiled a little impishly…for the first time…and his eyes brightened with mischief with this shared secret.
Tension seemed to dissipate a little…she smiled too. She never knew her slinging matches were entertainment for bored femmes of the society. So much for privacy!
She smiled back “So my Gossip magazine you think I will consider jumping from here instead of kicking my waylaid husband out??”
He shrugged his shoulders “It is an easy and glamorous way to end it dramatically…besides your husband will be hounded by police…you can harass him as much as he did…after your exit of course”

This was getting out of her hands and he was speaking way beyond his years she knew that…but she began enjoying talking openly about herself and her apparently “ miserable situation” She liked the thought of kicking her husband out a bit too much which she had voiced defiantly and accidentally just now…whyever did she never think of taking that " constructive Action " and ask him to leave. It was out and out her Home she had paid every single penny. He should be shown the Door and here she waas surveying the Parapet and Exit options. Naively the child had put her victim mentality " in her face".

She decided to challenge the kid as well “So you too wanted to glamourously teach a lesson to your parents for loving you less and then have police fire them too??”
All smile left the bright face with a defeated “No the more I think about it…I like it less...I think my angels send you to sort of open my eyes…I will face their anger…they will hate me for a while…” he was so vulnerable and hard on himself...all for less marks...
“You can win them over by working hard and talking to them about your interests…hmm…”
He acknowledged it silently and asked “But aunty what were you doing here at this hour?”

She could never tell him the truth…

“I was spending time alone thinking of some constructive action…unlike you teenagers who think of squandering everything of your resources…time…love and life…” it was her time to send in a barb.
He grimaced and nodded “You will not tell anybody please “
“Only if you promise to never return on this terrace ever…I will not take chances and strictly ask the secretary to ensure it is locked at all times”
He smiled briefly and giggled “Only if you promise to not give another tele series episode to my Bored aunties…”
The little guy had some nerve…but she felt immeasurably light and so she sighed happily
“Hmm…the tele series shall go off air...promise...Come now…its already the time when your folks will begin to search you…”
She got up indicating he get up too “I do not trust you I have to leave you at your door…” she expressed her intent when he made no move to get up. 

Sensing her determination, he sighed, gathered his books and got up…
She firmly slided the grill with a knowing reprimanding look at him for ever considering …and walked ahead…he followed with a bowed head …

“Ashavbaba again you went to study on the terrace?? Did you put off the lights??? I will lose my Job because of you someday…!!" Came the half reproachful half smiling chiding of their watchman.

She turned around to look at the exchange. The watchman ruffled Ashav’s hair and gave him a false whack which the Lad took in good naturedly…

“My flat has come aunt…I have the Keys…Bye..”
She stood a little frowning …something did not seem quite …
“Hey Ashav…Congratulations buddy…first rank in Division and first prize in Dramatics…my folks are going to frame your pic on my bedroom wall…Stop being so talented dude…” Rang a voice of another kid his age who was alighting quick for early morning Jog…

She whirled around…her eyes mirroring her full blown surprise…
She narrowed her eyes at him who stopped midway at opening the latch…turned and smiled impishly…with the Morning newspaper in hand!!!



Sonnal Pardiwala©

Friday, April 1, 2016

Ki se Ka and Ka se Ki…

Slap a child and ask him or her to pick up the Chips pack that was just devoured…chances are rebellion will stretch in that little body…SHOW A FUNNY CUTE BONNY toon stating the Merits and make Cleaning up a Glamorous thing to do…child will jump skip and hop to the dustbin with the litter packs and throw it and feel useful…

We Humans are all Kids in our own ways…deeply holding on to our conditioning…about how a certain thing is to be done…our Prejudice about what makes a Good person…we hold onto dear life before we change even a fraction of it…If we let go…what would we have then??? Criticism…Ridicule…

But Life is all about changing…dolloping a little smile...making your small decisions to be different…and accept the consequences…and yet being ready for those in between emotions that surround and envelop all human beings…

Now why would I write all this in a Movie Review…?

Movies are my lifelines…it’s from there that my command over Hindi and Marathi comes…It’s from there I have seen and absorbed changes in Indian Cinema and scenarios…It reflects …makes me think and do inner sweeping time and again...I am blessed with a filmy family..I have lead a roller coaster life…

Found my Ka! We alternate roles of being a Ki at times and Ka at times to the other…My Ka unabashedly cries when I hurt him…and takes money from my purse when he runs out of it…he cooks when I am blogging and /or Tired....I am the Ka sometimes as I too shoulder the added responsibility of working to pay bills…so I have found my Happily ever after…and when the Movie and specially a Man called "Arjun Kapoor" with Dead pan expression tugs at my Happily Ever After, I write…

My world is pink Candy floss and mush strawberry dripping honey…

My heart believes in happy endings and working out issues…

My mind gives out and accepts nuances in human shade …all kinds of emotions are there…to experience and understand…

My soul believes in forgiving…after being the meanest and getting back stronger and wiser…

My being believes in teaching by real life examples on how to be…I have two growing sons and Some gals  are going to thank me or hate me for them…in future…

So ….Ki and Ka is a perfect Demo of a light hearted way of being…



already I have put in a Blog on #ArjunKapoor why to do or overdo it again…???

Because he just fills the screen …my heart…my mind with a fluff of all things nice and possible and romantic..in a fairy tale sort-a-way…
Did I mention I know nothing of film Technicalities...screenplay...editing...effects...go bonkers for me...For me what appeals is The Visual Panorama it offers...My eyes have to like what I see...For me If the Screen Persona make me feel and Think ...
I would go back to the Movie again and again...for all my years ,there is A Child who believes in Fairy Tales ...
Now if I were to look at the fairy tale with the eyes of a child…why ever would I question too much…I would accept everything it says...and much later…I would enjoy the fairy tale for it fills me up warm and dreamy feel...and wanting to hear it again and again…oops...see the movie again and again…For it points to a possibility…a realm that can bring happiness…that can break shackles of self-imposed role rules to be followed…I write, so I document my own echoes at having witnessed a beautiful thing…

For those two odd hours I devoured each refreshing scene…This movie is ARJUN KAPOOR…all the way…he runs the show…he steals the thunder…he REIGNS …
The very first scene he breaks the myth…Boys cry…all tears rolling down and sniffles…why??

Becoz you cry regardless of whether you are a boy or a girl…you sniffle…when you “Miss someone” and if that happens to be your Mom…well…you just do…
Its Sadist to admit that I enjoyed the Saawan Bhado on that Dead Pan wooden face all let loose unleashed tears…and the tear stained explanation of why he is in that state…no apologetic guilt there…sho shweeeeettt…now he could have cried a little more there…he looked so cuteeee and adorable…and equally flat repartee from Kia…Please get him his mom…simple natural…clear portrayal…

Men sniffle…women do not have to be their mumma the moment they see a nose running…Classs…Common sense…

Our Ka is Intelligent and sorted and has a philosophy of life…



Ka has a father who is a millionaire…Ka is a topper in MBA from a reputed institute...he does not carry it as his Medal up his sleeve to impress. He is definitely not a Loser to want to depend on a woman for financial support but he has plans of not climbing the corporate ladder…as he asks “What are we running after?” “Only to end up in a state of the art hospital and be grateful for affording it?”

Point…simple psychological tip to avoid Breakdowns…Kabeer is cool in an inimitable way that comes out of imbibing the philosophy to the core . He can accept with a straight face “I cannot pay for that double scotch you ordered!” No show off…noo games to impress the girl. Boys go to such lengths to woo women with a false sense of wealth…from Bassanio in Merchant of Venice to Mumbai college scenes…Boys try to look swanky and suave on borrowed money to show lands that never exist  to their lady love…Our Arjun ran the risk of sounding Bitter or "you owe me" but he simply puts forward a situation. Take it or leave it…You have to take it…he is so so enigmatic..unless Kia unravels him why shall she let him go???

KA is Resourceful Creative and SO WELL MANNERED…He questions…
Today’s young boys swear at the drop of the Hat to subdue…impress...intimidate…to make a point…or simply strut around as a fetch-able commodity…but Ka did not…wait  a minute…

Ka is a Man….!!!!

He does not have to...he has a strong logic and sorted theories to make you think!!!

He asks Kia “you do not want a man to not look down on your ambition and accept your Corporate rise…will you in the same vein accept my lack of ambition?” Gentle…concisely worded and delivered query…not only to Kia…but to the Audience as a whole??? Are we ready to shed our prejudices…long held notions of what a man or woman can do...we talk of women empowerment…gender equality...are we ready for empowering human beings and accept changes???

He asks his Mom in law “would you tell your future daughter in law that she is looking for becoming a home maker…as looking for free lunch?” So why not me???



He happily asks for money to run the house…negotiates with the maid and lays down the rule…creates a train to get food back and forth…signs of a creative Homemaker who looks for making the Abode best place to be…

He is Virile and Macho…yet tender and resourceful...

While doing all this…not Once …not even for a fraction of a second did Arjun…our Ka once over steps from one role…he is a homemaker…the feminine force..the nurturing one…but his mannerisms do not bend down to pansy if you know what I mean…he is every bit his rugged self…huggable…cute-able…teddy cuddly bear…


He is capable of beating the goons…and smile over the Dharmendra compliment…he is tender enough to remove her shoes when she comes tired….



And get ten Pregnancy testing kits when outta panic Kia throws a fit...instead of taking an offence at “you want to ruin my career…like a typical Hindi do…” He brings her solace …stands outside the washroom till it all subsides and lovingly gather her in the arms… "Its our Problem not yours...how did you think that?"

Not only he is a lovely homemaker but also resourceful when it comes to getting extra moolah to buy a house… without compromising his homemaker status…He is equally Comfortable in his Skin and gently asks Kia "Are you ashamed of me??" When She tells others "He is writing a Book!!"Kia brings in a Universal Conditioned attitude...We are so hard pressed to explain our way if life that its a "Shortcut" to simply Wave it off with an excuse...She proudly declares though ...Kia is quick to Accept her mistake and Make amends...
Not a decaying Persona...

He is Famous…
as he brings his different perspective to role viewing in our country not in a sermonizing way but as if it is the most natural way of being. He is so captivating with explaining his existence and choice he garners publicity and attention so much so that Jaya Bhaduri wants to Meet the Boy…

She sums it up...I stayed home for I had no choice in that choice…also she expresses she could not be standing by the balcony instead of Amitabh Bachchan…So often what society perpetrates is what we have voluntarily or involuntarily accepted as gender roles…



What a person will wear is decided by the long held societal norms…And later they become so staunchly embedded in our psyche that we accept them as A Given…Ka breaks another myth casually by creating a bracelet out of a Neck piece called Mangal Sutra...as long as he treasures it…but Arjun so deftly does it…you have to be fine tuned to catch that nuance…I did and I found it immensely endearing…
Ka has a Sense of Humour...
Is ghar ke Mardon ko Aurat ki Jarurat thi...simple thing pointed out cheekily...Womanly force looks for order...Manly force chooses to overlook it...Many such moments will stay with me as I watch again and again..

KI AND KA ARE BOTH HUMANS…

Who ever does the dish or swipes the credit card…they both cannot escape the juxtapose of relationship. Jealousy is an insidious serpent that silently finds it's way through your being and strike in the meanest way possible…

Kia comes late…Kabeer is cool…Kia spends more time in conference leaving him  alone...he is cool about it…quips in  humorously “Except my wife I'm honeymooning with everyone else!”

Yet that one moment when she stays up talking to an American and fails to introduce him…jealousy raises its mean accusatory head with …go sleep with him…thankfully, they passionately make up…



Kia is OK when Kabeer is romping with females on the beach...Kia is fine while Kabeer gives a diet plan and gymming lessons to more than a dozen women…but the moment Limelight shifts on Him with Praise and invites on Talks on his way of being given Spotlight…something shifts in Kia…she resorts to Sarcastic taunts on putting Down Kabeer as “Gaining Fame out of doing Nothing!” and hitting the panic button on seeing his absence during her Mom’s Crisis…



Typically Hindi movie calls for Tragic separations and lectures on trust…

R BALKI…TAKE A BOW…

Kia fortunately is intelligent enough to realize if Kabeer was not there so was she absent and that she has been the Mean one here…Earlier she had accepted ,Kabeer manages the home so she can fly

The enlightenment comes in with the realization that the conflict is on the one who earns getting attention and adulation…and reacting with the shifting of it…

Refreshing

We are human beings first given to all our follies and foibles…our little envies…our bigger peeves…and yet at the end of it; finding out about them…accepting...forgiving...that is what our Ki and Ka do…they forgive each other…

An important lesson to all the Young ones who so simply run to sign the divorce applications…sometimes the issues are simply a tangle of personalities…realizing...accepting…tenderly forgiving…and growing forms the Fabric of every Happy Ending…

It's not the Gender that causes the rift…it's not the society that needs to change…Each one of us needs to hold the prejudice by the tongs of reason and sensitivity...understanding our quirks…making the effort to hang on just one more time…saying sorry just one more time…believing in a rainbow just one more time...putting aside the bygones just another time and growing...

Growing into beautiful examples of beings for their children to emulate and find their happily ever after...not leaving them bitter for future about love…for love does exist...we just need to believe in it...and hang in there…

Dearest Arjun…
the next decade belongs to you…keep choosing such bold roles that bring us to the cinema...make us think without sermonizing and long drawn lectures…I admire your gumption to be able to pick up that Mop or push the bill of the hotel to other side…you made us think that another kind of existence is possible and come out in the open and talk about it without batting those humor filled eyes...that are surmising the other’s Discomfort…that gooey smile that other is cringing but not showing…Your Mom would be truly proud of the Lovely Guy she has contributed to this Indian Cinema...A comfortable Man who thinks and makes one think...Think of her as a loving soul who is watching over you and sending Blessings and Love !

You make a Homemaker truly Glamorous and coveted role…You actually endorsed a profession for so many KAs..that soon we will have new Moms claiming…Mera Beta toh Arjun jesa Smart KA bunna Chahta he…I am almost feeling that GOOEY smile just about lop siding…Come back with a suitable Repartee young Chap…


P.S : I SO WISH I WAS INFLUENTIAL LIKE Jaya Bachchan that I can say I want to meet this Boy…Loads of love to a lovely KA…always surprise us…
             
                                                               -by Sonnal Pardiwala


© Sonnal Pardiwala. All Rights Reserved.


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